4 Ways CelebritiesUse Twitter & Prove They Are Millennials Trapped InGen-X Bodies

Brandi Glanville is impulsive. Let me start this with a disclaimer: I am all about Brandi Glanville. Thanks to the producers over at Bravo, I get to see enough of her day-to-day life (via The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) to make a well informed opinion of her character, and I don’t think she is a horrible person (she’s certainly a better specimen of human being than those Maloofs). Sure, she’s a few fries short of a happy meal, and the profanities that come out of her mouth would make one of the Mob Wives blush, but she seems like a nice woman who just suffers from a chronic case of foot-in-mouth-disease (commonly known as FIMD).

That being said, her publicist should revoke Brandi’s access to her own Twitter account. You see, chronic sufferers of FIMD often share one trait: they are impulsive. To them, social media is just yet another avenue to vent their frustrations, and they often do so with poor spelling, incorrect punctuation and horrendous grammar. FIMD sufferers are often members of the millennial generation—they’re young, with smartphones glued to their hands, and have yet to realize that those frustrations they are venting to the Twitterverse could very easily blow up in their faces someday.

Someone should let Brandi know that she’s 40, and “I didn’t know better” doesn’t fly as an excuse anymore. Every time she reignites that twiff (at this point, it’s probably considered a tweud..or maybe a twar?) with Leanne Rimes, her Twitter feed reads like a word vomiting toddler. I think we can all agree that a grown woman who fails to correctly spell out “your”, “four” and “are” in one tweet probably didn’t think that message all the way through.

Charlie Sheen has no accountability.

Charlie Sheen is perhaps best known for his bad behavior, but, depending on what decade you were born in, he is almost as well-known as Uncle Charlie on the CBS hit series, Two and a Half Men. The series was/is wildly successful and made Charlie Sheen television’s highest paid actor, earning $1.8 million per episode in 2010. That all changed once 2011 rolled around. After a stint in rehab hiatus, filming resumed as usual until Sheen was fired after making "disparaging remarks" about series creator Chuck Lorre.

What followed was the most epic meltdown Hollywood had seen in a while--and it all happened on Twitter. Overnight Sheen went from overpaid egoist to unemployed warlock with tiger blood in his veins (or something like that. Whatever happened, he was #WINNING). When the time came to explain himself rolled around, he did so on an April 2013 episode of Conan, where he blamed the ranting and raving (in his words, a “melt-forward”) on comedian Dave Chappelle and an overdose overuse of testosterone cream a following an injury on the set of Chappelle Show. That’s right; overdoing it on the topical ointment can result in delusions bizarre behavior. Remember that the next time you squeeze just a little too much lotion out of the bottle.

An unflattering view of the millennial generation says we can’t ever take ownership of our actions. Well at nearly 30 years my senior, Sheen is certainly no Generation Y-er, so what’s his excuse?

Probably his #WINNING personality.

Alec Baldwin is indecisive.

At the ripe old age of 23, I am the epitome of indecision—I change my nail polish almost daily and spent two hours yesterday picking out sheets in Target. It’s not my fault, though. Sociologists say my helicopter parents made every minute decision for me, and that is the reason I can’t commit to linens.

Alec Baldwin has a similar problem, except instead of nail polish insecurity; he just can’t seem to break his ties with Twitter. It’s like a toxic relationship—he knows the micro blogging platform is bad for him, and will only betray him like it has time and time again, and yet he can’t seem to say goodbye for good. It seems to be part of a vicious cycle—Baldwin acts out, offends someone on Twitter, and promptly deletes his account in an attempt to repent. He might even do an interview or two on how the experience made him realize he was investing too much time in social media. But it’s only a matter of time before the account is active again.

Today’s misdoings will become tomorrow’s headaches.

2010’s The Social Network probably said it best: “The Internet’s not written in pencil. It’s written in ink.” Any millennial who has received a shred of career advice has heard it—you can do as many keg stands as you like, but keep it off of Facebook. The stupid decisions we 20-somethings make today will follow us through our entire careers, thanks to the World Wide Web.

While I’ll admit to a few photos hitting the web that might have implied that I was drinking prior to age 21 (though I maintain it was just orange juice in those solo cups), I’ve never accidentally (more like allegedly-accidentally, but I digress) tweeted an inappropriate photo of myself. We’re talking that kind of inappropriate—the kind that makes you a punch line on Saturday Night Live and takes a few years off your publicist’s life. This epidemic of stupidity has spread all the way from Hollywood (à la Courtney Love) to Washington (with a name like Anthony Weiner, the jokes practically make themselves).

Honestly, they should require an IQ test to open a Twitter account.